hey.

sophmore year is better. funner (haha). uniforms aren't bad, i actually like them. umm, classes are better, teachers are cool... it's all easier, well, so far.

i'm going back out with the whats his face again. haha. he plays varsity football this year and he did really good at their first game! i was so proud =)

soccer is going good too... umm yeah. and thats life. i have lots of homework.. but its not that hard, just time consuming!! @#$%^&*

haha see ya later guys, have a good day!

it's sick to say this, haha, but... i'm excited for school in a way. i'm a little nervous and all. but, i'm not a freaking freshman anymore. i can do this. i think. haha. highschool is still pretty scary. but i'm excited.

i guess the main reason i'm excited is, i get to see him everyday. not that i didnt see him everyday this summer, but now were not together, and hes outta town. and... wow, ive never missed someone quite like this before.

i lounge around my house feeling hopless. it's not that sad hopless where you just wanna break out crying... it's just that hopelessness that you don't really realize you have it until a week later, and your like wow, i wasted a week watching tv and being anti-social. that's why i have this huge headache, and that's why my heart kinda hurts. i guess, in the back of my mind i'm like wow... lifes kinda sad and hopeless right now... but on the surface if someone asks me how i am i'm not gonna say "SAD." i guess, i'm trying to cover it up... i don't know. it's weird. i just want to be with him, that's the only thing i know...

i miss everything about him. his cute but corny lines, the way he calls me beautiful, his smell, his smile, the way he sings and singing in his car, his kisses, i miss cuddling, i miss eating food with him (ive kinda lost my appetite since...), his hugs, holding his hand... everything.

people don't understand. they just tell me to get over it, i'm young and i'll have many boyfriends. yeah well... he's special. he really is. and it's amazing we still feel the same way. no one can tell me i don't or never loved him, because if this isnt love... what is? what is love? tell me. please tell.

hey there.

i don't have a boyfriend anymore. which is very different. were like... friends with benefits now, in a way. but, its hard because were still so in love. i'm trying to move on though, but i don't know how to even look at another guy in that way. my ex, was my guy, my life for eight months... how do i just move on?

in a way, its all refreshing though. i feel like i'm indepedent again and get my life back on track. i can start loving myself again and make myself happy, instead of just live life for him and the relationship. i was to involved and attatched.

but nontheless, i know it was love. if it wasn't, i wouldn't have had thee feelings, still have these feelings. for once in my life, i know this was real. it was so real, and so amazing. i'm lucky and very greatful for what i had. i'm greatful for him,. and that hes still there for me.

People who tell me that you can't be in love at such a young age... I think are WRONG.

Love isn't something that you're allowed to feel at a certain age. Love is a feeling that you can feel whenever it comes to you. It doesn't make sense to be able to love your mom but to now love someone from the opposite sex, because oh, you don't know the meaning.

What's there to know about the meaning except for feeling it?

Maybe saying being in love at eight is a little odd... but if you were eight and you feel something for the other kid... whos to tell you it's not love? Love has nothing to do with being intelligent or understanding it. It's a feeling. Strictly, purely, an overwhelming feeling. If you feel it, you feel it. No one can tell you your wrong or take the feeling away from you.

The feeling is yours. Love is yours. No matter who you are or what age you are. Love is love.

random thoughts... I want the avril cd and ashlee simpson cd.

ooh a cinderella story is really cute. not just the movie.. but the message. if you're trying to be someone your not people won't like you because your fake. and that you should always be you and believe in yourself no matter what. it was cute. yeah....

I'm emotional right now for some reason. I don't know why! I feel like being sad because life is just so beautiful... and I'm so glad it's summer right now. and listening to this song... like it isn't just a good tune, it just... means something to me. the lyrics. we were meant to live for so much more. we were. were living life for stupid reasons, or most of us. and we care about things that really, truly, do not matter.

I'm happy who I am. I think that I really understand the meaning of life more than most people. yeah, I feel inferior and intimidated sometimes by people in their overwhelming amount of money, or their popularities... etc. but, that isn't what lifes about. it's about being your own person, caring about people around you, having faith in yourself and your friends, being happy... loving yourself, loving life.

I'm going to a funeral today. This year it's been my 3rd. funeral. before this year, I've never been to one... two kids at school commited suicide. one of them having asked me to homcoming dance... but I turned down because I already had a date. a month later... these words hanuted me... "DJ died." it was just this cold hard fact... I was once not in control of anything. it happened. he was gone. I never said goodbye, I never said how I think he was a great person. I wasn't even that close with him, but just knowing I was never gonna be able to say hi in the hall to him, or sit by him in study hall and laugh at his jokes. it really hurt. I just started crying of course, and was leaning on a girls shoulder. it was a feeling you can't describe. pure shock. I just couldn't run from it, because it was a reality, it was something that happened. someone taking a gun to their head is something you see in movies, not in real life... I could only imagine what it would be life if someone close to me died...

I'm scared for today. I'm scared for my friend and her mom. the poor family. they lost someone special...

god bless

[	mood	|	good	]
[	music	|	switchfoot-meant to live	]

I think that people out age are too young to have relationships because they are so fucking immature and don't know what a REAL relationship actually means. people our age think that relationships are about doing shit, and just having one to HAVE one. and if things get hard, dump the bitch cause I never really liked him anyway, right? whatever.

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 and a half months. and I've learned so much. we've been through a lot, so much it's amazing. but it's made us so stronger. and if things would get awkward if we went farther or something, we'd talk about it.. because communcation is the key and everything would be alright. I love what we have. and it's just too bad people are so stupid and immature at our age. if things get hard in something, or you get confused... don't just do the easy way out! figure it out and that'll make you stronger. how do you think people maintain a marraige? it's not all gravy.

The simple life 2 has to be the dumbest show I've watched. you can totally tell it's scripted. and those girls... what the hell, do they like their images? they are the most ungreatful, stuck up, beatty, spoiled girls i have ever seen or heard of!

anyway, i don't even give a shit cause i'm not watching that show anymore..

Hi.

I'm bored with life and with myself. I want to be happy and just have a good, fun, carefree life... but I don't know how.

I think I might have a solution. To just live one day at a time, and make each minute I live special and happy... and maybe that might help me in the long run.

I guess with my boyfriend... I just feel so tied down. You know? Like he owns me and I'm trapped in a way. Even though I honestly love him so much. And I want to keep our relationship. So I am just going to be ME and have fun with life. I'm going to try not to make him my number one priority and if we drift apart because of that then that's life and I can't do anything about it.

I just want to be happy and stop worrying about everything. Hell, it's summer!!!

If anyone ever wants to play online games with me or anything... haha since I'm so bored lately... comment or IM me cause you know my IM! haha <3